The Shafia trial generated a lot of media fanfare and created awareness about an important issue. But make no mistake. While this particular case was extreme and has been sensationalized, this was not an isolated incident.
The bigger problem is that immigrant families with conservative cultural backgrounds almost always clash with values taken for granted in Canadian society. The magnitude of this problem is huge: it spans a remarkably diverse range of cultures, geographic origins, and religious backgrounds. Yet it is so rarely talked about, particularly within the immigrant communities themselves, where it matters the most. As a result, these problems generally don't manifest themselves in the public forum. I'm glad the Shafia trial brought this bigger issue out in the open. The establishment is often reluctant to discuss it, afraid that criticizing the cultural values of others would come off as bigoted or racist; more often than not, the establishment is also just clueless as to what they're dealing with, since they have never lived through the experiences themselves.
The victims are always the second-generation immigrants: those who grow up in Canada struggling between two identities - between their commitment to their family heritage and their desire to conform to the Canadian mainstream.
And while this will rarely result in murder, cases of depression, physical, and verbal abuse are all too common. More often than not, young women get the worst of it.
We need a way to set reasonable expectations to those parents with young children who are arriving in this country as immigrants. We need to let them know, that yes, their kids will wear more flashy clothes. Yes they will want to date when they grow older. Yes, their partners might be from a different race. Yes, they might want to study liberal arts rather than become a doctor. Yes, they might want to go out with their friends at night. Yes, they might want to have sex before marriage. And yes, they might even want to give up their religion.
They need to be mentally prepared for this kind of stuff so it's not such a shock to their systems when they find out that this is the reality.
These parents need to be aware of the struggles that their kids will face in a world caught between two cultures, two worlds, two paradigms. In an ideal world, they should act as a positive influence during this transition for their children, not a cause for its problems. Forcing their traditional values down their kids' throats will not work. It's bad for the family, bad for their children, bad for the community, and bad for Canadian society.
